Talk:Dating Game/@comment-25013284-20140604052259
Mmmmh.... yeah it's alright. Nothing too offensively bad, aside from the oversexuality of it and you can bet your ass I'm going to harp about that but let's see where this misfired in places that don't so much make me angry. 1) WHISKY AT A MEET-AND-DATE EVENT! This confounds me. What woman, not expecting to get date raped, would come to a dating location where hard liquor is readily available? 2) OVERSEXUALITY. This isn't really too bad because they have it in Game of Thrones and that show has all sorts of emotional highs. This one however had so many sexual inuendos that I needed a shower after reading. Though if sexuality is done right in a creepypasta it can actually build a good bit of tension. But you have to be subtle with it and this unfortunately missed the target if only because it was aiming the wrong way. (Runny eggs nailed to a wall was a bit too graphic for my tastes) 3) EVERYTHING I KNEW ABOUT LIFE SHATTERED! This came off way too dramatic. WHich is the problem with many writers and indeed regular people in this day and age. We go right for the top shelf with our vocabulary. AMAZING, STUPENDOUS, SPECTACULAR! But life isn't all about emotional highs all the time. You need the build up before you get to those exciting words. If it's all highs all the time then the whole thing comes off bland and tasteless with no sense of climax or emotion at all really. And another thing, no one event involving only 2 people will change everything about what you think and who you are. And yes that IS what that statement means. This is an unfortunate misuse of the English language. Had they said "Everything I knew about "MY" life "WITH HER" shattered, then it would be good to go. 4) JUST ABOVE A SIX-FIGURE SUM! I don't know in what country this guys worked for as regional manager for Burger King, but it had to go through an assload of inflation for this to be true. Above six figures is talking about 1,000,000+ and regional managers anywhere ever make at least 54k and at most 89k a year. That's not even the six figures it claims to be above. And that aside, how long has he been with this woman that he manages to make it to regional manager because that's at LEAST a 5-year period. I don't care how efficient you are. This was a bad slip of the fingers when typing this. Be more careful about your word choice. 5) FEMALE MOTIVATIONS! I'm absolutely confounded by the female. She waits for, supposedly 5 years for this guy to be successful, just to kill him? Why? I mean, maybe she wanted to feel some sort of emotional attachment to her masterbatory material. I've heard of worse fettishes, but otherwise I'm really captivated nor do I necessarily believe her character. 6) NO 1 THING WILL MAKE YOU LOSE YOUR JOB! Admittedly it maybe wasn't just one thing but other mistakes were never mentioned, and it would have made that more of an acceptable statement. A minor nitpick but this has a bunch of minor nitpicks nitpicking away at my suspension of disbelief so it was still worth mentioning. 7) LICKING UP VOMIT! Ugh.... this literally made me feel sick. And it doesn't make it any better with the constant nagging thought that she's pleasuring herself to this. It opens up a whole new world of fettishes filled with scat porn and bestiality. 8) THE GORE. My god how long I've banged on about this. This isn't scary! Especially when it's not even happening to the guy we identify most with at this point! Sure he's getting scared from watching it (presumedly) but we, however, are watching a guy watch another guy get tortured by a girl. And the gore in this one is pushed so far, that it's beyond childish. Ooh look at me killing a baby. Isn't this edgey and scary. To start, I and most of the population you're trying to appeal to, hate babies, so it has very little effect on anyone reading. It's trying to push the envelope by saying it's darker and scarier than those other pastas despite being neither. 9) I appreciate the removal of "I AM A FUCKING FAGGOT" (as it is read by Mr Creepypasta, which before you go and yell at him he's the only reason I know about this piece of writin) with "I DESERVED THIS" It's much more realistic. It would have been an interesting idea if she was driven mad by her children and was literally droven to the point of insanity by them. But theeeeen... 10) LADY HAS SUPERPOWERS! Why? It doesn't add anything aside from the cliche'd ending. In fact, I'm relativel certain that's the only reason she was hinted at to have superpowers, so that the ending could make sense. And her having superpowers only raises more questions! I'm not even going to bother asking them, because I know without a doubt this review won't even be read. 11) HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO KILL SOMEBODY? Surely a shorter time than it takes for law enforcement to get there. I would presume he was unconscious since he didn't have any memory of the events that took place, but he was screaming so it's not that. The writer just couldn't come up with a decent reason for him still being alive, so amnesia ho! There's nothing that looks or indeed, reads worse than something that is half good and half bad. It creates this inconsistency that just winds up looking like ass. 12) SHE GIGGLED LIKE A SCHOOLGIRL is used way to FUCKING much in this creepypasta. Find new metaphors and similes. GEEZ! Now that I think about it... this creepypasta is really suckish. Final judgement: Tied to a chair and videotaped by dead floating lady.